Last week I had an epiphany. Simply because I finally made myself stop and take stock.
I realised the book that I was trying to write wasn’t the one I was yearning to write.
This was a hard realisation as I have been digesting it for over a year. I had come up with the perfect title. I had discovered a fitting accompanying subtitle. I’d brainstormed all the contents. I’d even created a detailed book proposal which is 99% ready to send out to agents and publishers. Then, earlier this year, when my creative juices were feeling depleted, I decided to take a pause. I took a break from writing and said I’d only write if and when I was feeling inspired. Turns out this was never. Until last month.
As I shared in my previous letter to you, my creative juices started to feel recharged and inspiration started to strike. I wrote a few blogs, I played with a few articles and even shared a few poems. Carefully, I started to test the waters for the book. Everything seemed to still flow so I carried on. Until last week.
Last Friday, I spent a whole day organising all my brainstormed contents, stories I wanted to share and learnings I wanted to teach. I created a detailed outline of every chapter of the book. I wrote and edited, I wrote and edited, and I wrote and edited some more.
Then, at the end of the day, I had the “perfect” outline ready. Perfect in terms of how it looked and what it outlined. Not so perfect in terms of how it felt. At that moment, when I looked at my “perfect” outline at the end of the day, I knew with every cell in my body that it wasn’t the book I was meant to write. So I dropped it. Just like that.
That’s when it hit me. I had felt creatively depleted because I did not feel excited about this book. Inspiration hadn’t struck because deep down I knew I wasn’t feeling inspired by it.
Somehow, the book I thought I was meant to write became the book I knew I shouldn’t write. On reflection, I realise the idea for the book had come when I was still in my crazy, busy London life and in a totally different space – literally, physically, mentally and emotionally. Perhaps it was a book I could have written if I would have stayed and not evolved. Even then, I know a lot of that book was born from looking at what would meet the current book trends and marketing guidelines. Deep down, I knew those things wouldn’t be enough. The main ingredient was missing for it: my passion for writing it. And that, for sure, would come across to any reader who might have picked it up.
Now, as a Type A, ambitious, driven, controlling, over-achiever, I could have easily pushed through this and still written the book I had planned to write. But, as an evolved heart centred soul who’s enjoying her new journey of living life in flow and in creative pursuits that excite her, I knew I didn’t want to. So I didn’t. Goodbye, old book. Hello, new creative endeavours.
It’s fascinating how a little time and space can totally transform how well you listen to your heart. Sometimes the hardest thing is giving yourself that time and space. Yet, usually, it’s the thing you benefit from the most.
So, I challenge you to do exactly that. Ask yourself:
What do I need to stop and take stock on?
Is it a project you’re working on? A job you’re not sure about? A habit, a hobby, a relationship? An area of your life?
Whatever it is, have the courage to stop and reflect on it right now right here. Do it sooner rather than later. Make sure that what you’re working towards is what you still yearn towards. Say no to the things that drain you and yes to the things that lift you. You’ll be making room for more magic in your life.